Oh my goodness Dearies!
I hope your Uncle Karl is all right!
Apparently,
he was Pelted by students at some liberal university in the DC area! You can tell it's liberal because it's got a commie name like "American University". Bunch of darned
Yippies!
And what's worse….No reports on what they pelted him with! Who knows what could happen if they decided to take your Uncle George's nick name for him (I'm embarrassed to repeat it, but it's T-U-R-D Blossom) too seriously? That suit he was wearing was dry-clean only! Ewwww!
Note to the Yippies: Dearies, if you **REALLY** want to throw something in protest, might I humbly suggest: The Banana Cream pie! (I've got a very simple recipe for it too! Take one bakery, combine with 1 twenty-dollar bill, and Voila! Banana Cream Pie!)
Anyway, Who could get upset over getting hit in the face with a banana cream pie, anyway? Except for those
idiot Stooges! That Curly, he always makes me giggle. I digress Dear Ones.
See, Karl Rove is not worth getting hassled by "The Man" (I'm learning to speak with you kids! See! Auntie Willow is a "Hep-Cat!").
Well, Ok, American Democracy is worth getting hassled by the man over. But even though we know those poor misguided dears didn't mean to HURT Uncle Karl (and take it from me: he bruises so easily!), they could now be charged with attempted assassination of a Dark Lord via small pebbles or rubber bands or whatever those kids hurled at him.
And that vindicates him. And it makes those American-Hating Republicans smirk and whine about how nasty we are all to them (and don't be nasty to them dearies, they're "Special". You know,
Special.
No, the way to handle Uncle Karl is to LAUGH at him. See, he is only destroying human civilization because he was such a, well,
DWEEB in high school! But no one laughs now that he's sold the entire country's soul to the Dark Master of Evil (that's your Uncle Dick, Dearies).
But take it from me, when he's sitting there all flabby and naked, laughing at him will REALLY demolish his poor little ego. I usually have to start all over again at that point (that's why I know how easily he bruises).
So if you throw trash at him, everyone calls you ill-tempered.
But if you throw a Banana Cream Pie at him, I mean, come on, what? They gonna charge you with
COMEDY?
Really Dears! I can hear the charges being read in Federal Court:
"And attempted assassination."
"Your Honor, I must protest. Nothing Lethal was used! It was an exercise in Political Speech."
"I protest, your Honor. objects were thrown at the person in question."
"Your honor, may I point out: It was a Banana Cream pie."
"But Your Honor: That cream pie could have dangerously raised the victim's Cholesterol!"
Cue the Laughter.
