Religion

Dearies, I figured it out!
No, not that.
No, not why Sanjaya keeps winning on American Idol.
No, not which Demon-Lord Cheney pledged his soul too (I've got an answer for Bush, he pledged his soul to Cheney).
Ok, now stop. This is important.
See, I have a few friends who are Christian. I would even go so far as to say some of my dearest friends are Christian (no, not my "Special" Friends, but people I allow myself to be photographed with). I know you might have heard of it on the news or in your classes, but seriously, there are people out there right now who have the strength of will to belong to the country's largest religion.
Now, most of my Christian friends are nice people, and if they weren't always going around being nice to everybody, you would never even suspect.
These aren't the people I'm talking about.
Instead I'm talking about what you might call the "stereotypical" Christian, which means pretty much every one of them who as screamed that I'm going to hell just because I happen to be sleeping with their husband at the time. Ok, long story. But it was late. And he was too tired to drive. I don't let shoes on the bed, but he had showered, so to keep the covers clean he took off his clothes and….You DO believe me, don't you?
Never mind. The important thing is that THESE PEOPLE Exist.
And they're being oppressed. Sort of. I mean, they control the executive branch and have managed to swap the framework of debate in this country so that if you disagree that women should all be branded to show their shame at having given Adam the Apple, well you were probably in bed with me and their husband. If you are another boy then your only hope is getting "cured".
Which is kind of a problem. Since they also don't believe in Science. Or literacy. Or their own eyes. Which is Ok, as long as they stop coming to my door at 7:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning to ask me to "Pray With Them". (Sometimes I'm out a little late!).
But there is kind of a problem. See, there's a minor little thing known as "Global Climate Disruption" or as they say on what passes for network news "Global Warming". It's actually kind of a problem, and we've got to keep the good Christian people from dumping dioxin into the ground, which they seem to feel is their right. Yeah, I know. But they really believe that God promised them the right to dump dioxin, to drive a Hummer (but not GET a Hummer!), and even invade a random Middle-Eastern country or two. I don't know if it's this whole "a-crap-alypse" thing or whatever they say when they point out that I'm as good as dead and going to burn in a lake of fire, or if they just have nothing better to do with their time since all the fun hobbies are technically a sin.
Which brings us to our little conundrum. See, Global Warming is the kind of thing that is, well, umm, scientific. You know, those eggheads at those liberal universities with their fancy thermometers and things, just running around writing stuff down and remembering it and stuff.
Basically, it's not in the bible.
Which means that these people won't believe us. I mean heck! They don't even believe most of the stuff that's IN the bible, like the whole "love thy neighbor" thing. So what can we do to convince them?
Then it hit me. Last night in a dream. I was speaking with my extremely conservative ex-mother-in-law (let, see, ex-mother-in-law….that makes her, umm, nothing to me). I was trying to explain it. Then Shazaam! Inspiration (ummm, Divine Inspiration?).
Put it in terms that they can understand. They're always talking about "God The Father" and stuff. So what did your Dad do when you wanted something really special? He like setup a task for you to do to show that you were capable of handling it. Want a puppy? Feed this Goldfish and keep it alive for like 3 months. Want a videogame? Show how well you can finish your homework! Want a new leather riding crop? Break the spirit of the next-door neighbor (I made him think he was a Chihuahua! It was cool 'cause it was like I got both the dog and the riding crop. And I didn't have to feed the stupid Fish!).
You get the idea.
The problem with this particular type of person is they don't think they can break God's creation, or if they do, then they get bonus points 'cause the World just ended! We need to point out that maybe he's testing them so he can give them something REALLY neat. I mean after all, if your Dad didn't buy you that videogame 'cause you didn't do your homework, what makes you think he'll get you a new car if you sink all of the Carolinas (North AND South)? Point out how mad they are if they see their kids (they'll have kids. No condoms or abortions, remember?) leave dirty underwear laying around. Try to help them picture how the big G's gonna feel with them leaving Mercury in huge standing pools outside a playground just so they save some moolah on the ole' Superfund.
Let me just stress one more time that not every one of these "Christians" is mean or shortsighted (Just Brunhilda J of Minot, ND. Sorry Brunhilda!) But for those that are, just give it a little try! Tell them that your Auntie was (Divinely?) inspired. Don't be too specific about what they'll get, because that wasn't revealed unto me.
No really, It wasn't! Oh heck, I dunno.
Maybe a Pony?

Well Dear Ones,
This post is a little personal.
But it has been exactly one year, today.
Her name was Lou Ann Tisdale, but I knew her as Mimi. She was the last of my living Ancestors.
So it has been a sad day, with a visit to the graves of my family.
But it is a good day too, a day to remember the sweetness of those passed, and to enjoy life in all its glory. That is really what we owe the dead, I think; remembrance of their loves and lives, coupled with a vow to enjoy what we still have, that we won't have one day.
Sorry to be a bit maudlin.
Anyway, for those of you who are interested, click the link below to see my Eulogy for Mimi.
Thinking of you,
Auntie Willow

Well,
Auntie Willow has been laboring under what some of you might term "Writer's Block" for the past few days.
I prefer to think of it as a sort of Mental Constipation that occasionally seizes me, especially when I am switching back and forth between different mental frames.
You see, Auntie Willow was a computer programmer in another life. The past several weeks, I have been laboring on a new program for the library, the first one that I have done for them.
I am struck by how much I missed programming, the flow of the language, the dance of the datastructures as I close my eyes and watch them waltz into place, each piece connected with the other, a flow that starts as a trickle with the first bit of data but builds into a river of context by the time the stream passes the last pier on the server, flowing towards your computer.
It makes it hard to communicate with humans at the end of a day, though. My head dances with instantiations, functional inheritence, clean terminations and ensuring that all resources used are returned at the end of a graceful termination.
Throw in the fact that it is the holidays, and my Birthday is Thursday (the only real holiday that Auntie Willow celebrates) and you have a recipe for….what? Mental Constipation?
Then I got news. My (not-quite) ex-Father-In-Law passed away this afternoon. As you can tell from the qualifiers, not-quite-ex-in-law makes for some difficult feelings, when the man was hale. But he has been far from hale. He passed away from the same thing that my father died of, in 2000, Liver Failure. Unlike my father, he did get a transplant, seemingly in the nick of time. But it was, in fact, too late. Now, 3 months later, he has passed away.
Liver Failure is a horrible death. There are worse deaths, to be sure, and many of them are being rained on Iraqi Civilians and exploding on American Troops right now. This is all the more reason to stop the insanity.
Auntie Willow has had 3 people pass away this year, an Adoptive Mother, a Step-Mother, and now a Father-In-Law. Really, as much pain as it is to lose someone, why are we going out of our way to make it worse? Why are we busy blowing each other up over lies, or watching people get incurable diseases because we're too damn cheap to give healthcare, or watch children go hungry, or any of it?
The universe is a wonderful place, but it is also fraught with danger. There is so much out there waiting to kill us that we don't really need to help the process. Surely there is nothing wrong with dying of old age! Why do we make people that just want to have a decent life suffer, as well? I'm talking to the "Christians" and "Muslims" and "Jews" and anyone else who has a moral code that makes them feel the need to add to another's misery.
Ford just stopped advertising in a gay magazine. Why? They say it was money, but some American Family Our Way or Else We Will Help Jesus Burn You In the Lake of Fire by Burning You Here On Earth (AFOWEWWHJBYILFBYHOE for short) claims moral victory, and is calling on Ford to never hire another gay person. Why? Why do these people really give a damn? Did God tell them that if a Gay Person enjoyed their day, then all Christians are going to Hell? Did I miss that in the Bible? Back when Auntie Willow was too young to say no, she was forced to go to a lot of Bible Study, and maybe it is just poor Memory but I don't recall the Big G saying that. Oh, there was plenty in there about mind your own business, but nothing in there about that.
Did that make a difference to the man that just died today? Really? Two queens buying a Range Rover means that his life was worthless? Honestly?
He lived, and he had a hard life, and he died. What about being nice and supportive of someone as a memorial.
Maybe give someone a meal, or a coat, or just sneak down to the power office and pay your elderly neighbor's heating bill anonymously.
Tempting as it is to shout at all the Hateful Religious Zealots, let's just laugh at them instead. Show them what their religion is supposed to be like, by being nice.
And when they spew their hate, just laugh. Laugh long, laugh loud, laugh hard, just make sure they can hear you.
I apologize, because I learned a long time ago that my philosophical moods are an ugly sight for mere mortals. But it is a philosophical day.
I'm sure this isn't all I will think today, but I will try to do the rest alone, out of sight, away from people that can't think of anything more worthwhile than making another human miserable. After all, they could never really understand, could they?

Blondesense is a work of sheer genius on the part of people whose very lives are a model for us every day. I'm not just saying that because they mentioned me. I'm just saying that the beauty of their intellects has been inspiration for countless aspiring young people world-wide.
Please don't get confused. Blondsense Liz, Pissed off Patricia, Jaye Ramsey Sutter, Anntichrist S. Coulter, and Peter of Lone Tree, IA are people just like you and me. That is if you and I are near-perfect models of intelligence, compassion, and savoir-faire.
Don?t think that your Dear Auntie is so easily swayed by flattery alone. Chocolate and Jewelry are perfectly accepted alternatives. All are accepted with what grace and dignity. Except chocolate; this is accepted with snorting/inhaling sounds as I wolf it down in what has been described as a most fearsome sight to behold.
Kudos to you, Blondesense, for impeccable taste and intelligence!

An easy question to start with on religion.
Does it seem wrong to anyone else that you could be thirsty and have to pee at the same time?

Well, it's my website and my blog. So I get to talk about what I want to talk about.
But what to start with?
There are three subjects that are forbidden in polite discussion: Politics, Religion and Sex.
Easy! I made a section for all three!
Oh, of course I'll add a section on some of my other varied interests; programming, artificial intelligence, crpytography, writing, psychology.
But for right now, I thought I would start with the three forbidden subjects.
Although a great deal of this blogging exercise is designed to get me back into writing, it is an interactive medium. Post a comment. Please! it will spark a conversation that we can all learn from. Hey, we can even learn from snark, if that is your preferred method of communication!
In a year, there is a chance that nothing will have come of this, that no one will have commented or posted. But maybe, who knows?
Give it a shot, no one else is watching! Write something down! And exercise that thing between your ears (no, not your tongue. Dammit, not your nose, either! Hey! Stop that with your eyebrows! DAGNABBIT! I MEANT YOUR BRAIN!).
So read, write, post, relax.
No subject is taboo, just please be kind to the others that post.
XXOO
Willow Anne